


i mean, i can do anything that he can

by ColorMeHazelnut



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Introspection, M/M, not too heavy angst dont worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 12:52:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16118870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorMeHazelnut/pseuds/ColorMeHazelnut
Summary: What does he want for his birthday?“Like this,” Phil croaks. “Everyday. Just like this.”A whole new thirty two years old, and...has he done enough?





	i mean, i can do anything that he can

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to [quercussp](https://quercussp.tumblr.com) for being absolutely patient with me. I wrote this on one cloudy morning. Bingo prompt: Birthday
> 
> Title inspired by [xfruge i know u so well ft. shiloh](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66rwvgihqTc)

“What do you want for your birthday?” Dan whispers, lips mumbling into Phil's shoulder blades. Phil giggles from the warm breath that tickles his neck, wanting to squirm away, but the hands wrapping around his middle only tighten, bringing him ever more closer.

He feels hazy. Head buzzing a soft static. He doesn't want to think. Doesn't want to move. Doesn't want to speak. He wants to stay silent and maybe just listen to the gentle _thump thump_ of Dan's heart. Can he simply exist like this? In the arms of the man he loves? Not moving but breathing as one? Always here. Always together.

Dan’s hand makes its own journey downwards. Slowly. Thumb circling the skin. Nails barely scratching. His lips find the back of Phil's neck and he's pressing soft kisses with, closed lips, not really initiating anything but to simply say _'good morning, hello love, I missed you during the night.’_

What does he want for his birthday?

“Like this,” Phil croaks. “Everyday. Just like this.”

He had dinner parties with his parents. Seen one of the best of Broadway's musical. Explored London all over. A Jake hoodie he's sure is lost somewhere at the back of their wardrobe.

He's going to be a year older. A whole thirty-two now.

The fuzziness in head slowly dissipates. His eyes no longer seeing the blackness behind his eyelids. They see pictures instead. Possible scenarios and a whole checklist of things and events he wanted to do but...does he have the time?

A whole new thirty two years old, and...has he done enough?

“Like this?” Dan giggles, teeth nibbling the skin below his ear, and Phil almost jumps from their bed. “We can't stay here all day old man.”

They can't? Why not? Old man? What does that mean? Did Dan finally find the grey streaks in his hair to be a turnoff? He tries to dye them back fully. But sometimes, Phil likes to stretch out the days to slowly let the black fade and his natural roots shines. A bit of brown and grey mixing with the black.

That's still sexy right? Can a man of thirty-two still be sexy? He feels the creaking of the bones in his legs when he tries to move them. But Dan interprets it as Phil's attempt of moving away, so he winds his own legs around his, trapping them both under the covers.

“Why? Did we have videos to edit today?” They don't. Of course they don't. Right? He doesn’t have one scheduled for another two more nights. And they don't have to film until the day after. (Right?) Phil sometimes forgets. He did so much at the beginning of their tour (still thirty one and a year younger) so he made a habit of jotting everything and anything in his phone. If he's simply doesn't have the time, (and his fingers sometimes shake so much he can't type properly anymore) he voice records it and listens to it later. Dan would sometimes be in the background making loud ridiculous noises, and Phil would have to start recording it again.

Before he forgets. Before the feeling of fatigue creeps up in his creaky bones at the end of the day. It comes far too early. Coffee doesn't always work. And he has to retire to bed early in the evenings before the stinging from his contact lenses gives him headaches the mornings after.

“Nah, our future home is currently thriving.”

Their future home. Future. Home. A house that would be bought. Their forever home. And then comes the dog (absolutely). Would there be kids? Would he want the soft pitter patter of small feet in the mornings? Would they still want to be lifted up even if his arms are just not as strong as before? Would they want bedtime stories even he would sleep a just a bit earlier? (Maybe…?)

“But I have plans, Lester.”

Good. Plans are good. Future thinking. What to do with their lives. The money. Food to eat. Hot water for their showers. Clothes to wear. Furnitures to buy. Like their moon room. Another space they manage to built for _them._ An accomplishment Phil takes pride on to remind himself how far they've come from.

So plans are good. Plans are solid. Plans determines their future.

“Don't underestimate me.”

Never. Never would he doubt Dan. Because sometimes Dan is the braver of the two of them. He tries something new far too easily but he holds Phil's hands just as firmly. Right by his side and never is he two steps forward nor a step back. Phil’s pace is different. Frantic. A bit less coordinated but that's Dan. And Dan is a storm that makes sure his thunders are soft rumbles in the dark skies.

So maybe he's full thirty-two years now and he wants to be brave for his future. He wants to do everything, but nothing seems right and it gives him those squimish feelings in his stomach. Is this being brave?

“I want to go out and try out that new ice cream.”

Huh?

“Huh?” He echoes because Dan is no mind reader (but he is receptive especially with things dealing with Phil and Phil wonders if even in the early hours of the morning Dan is aware of what’s whirling in Phil’s own mind right now).

“I want you to enjoy yourself today.”

Oh. It's his birthday.

“You've been up and about so much.”

Has he?

“Today, those things can wait.”

“It can?” It can?

Dan removes himself from Phil, and before he can protest, shifts, and swings his legs across his hips, arms at the sides of his head, hovering over Phil. And Phil sees dimples, soft brown eyes, hair tousle up and curly all over, a hint of stubble and just _Dan._

“It can wait,” he says, a bit firmly. “For today, what do you want to do?”

Phil thinks. And filters his mind to Today.

“Want cuddles.” He pulls Dan closer, arms around his neck. “Want just you. Here.”

“Always here.” Their lips meet. Softly.

“And maybe ice cream? Later?”

Dan's laughter is warm. “Of course. Anything.”

And maybe being thirty-two is a big deal but he can get by. A day at a time. Today conquered. Then Tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> Getting older day by day. Uni life used to scare me. It still does. But not just as much as before. Now, its going on internships and getting jobs. Future stuff. I'm getting by day by day.
> 
> Comments and [reblogs](http://colormehazelnut.tumblr.com/search/phanfic) are highly appreciated!


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